“Anyone can start a war, but that does not mean victory is guaranteed, and even the victors end up with some deaths and casualties.”  - Dion Le Roux

At face value, the above quote serves as a poignant reminder of the profound complexities and unpredictable outcomes accompanying the pursuit of armed conflict. It delves into the harsh reality that, even for those who emerge victorious, the toll in lives lost and casualties incurred casts a long and sombre shadow over the spoils of war.

The notion that “anyone can start a war” also underscores the unfortunate truth that the decision to initiate armed conflict often lies within the grasp of those who wield power.

Whether driven by political motivations, territorial disputes, or ideological clashes, the act of declaring war can be initiated by leaders, nations, or entities. The ease with which somebody can spark conflicts is a sobering reflection on the vulnerability of global stability in the face of human discord.

However, the quote is equally applicable in business, social and personal contexts.

Wars very seldom benefit anyone. So, before you choose to go to war, you had better be sure you can win the war. And even then, it is worth first reflecting on whether the war is worth it.

It seldom is.

But many people don’t realise this until it’s too late because they tend to ignore the possible consequences to the victor in personal wars and only focus on the loser. It is also surprising how often the victor believes they have won the war when they have only won a battle. It is too late when they realise this further down the line after they lose the war.

So why do we persist in this unproductive behaviour as human beings?

In the microcosm of personal relationships, the ebb and flow of disagreements, misunderstandings, and clashes of perspectives provide fertile ground for interpersonal wars.

Individuals, driven by emotional triggers, differing opinions, or unmet expectations, spark conflicts within their intimate spaces. The ease with which someone can initiate such discord often starts wars we later regret.

And just like with real wars, the path to victory in interpersonal conflict is far from guaranteed. We may think that winning personal battles involves asserting one’s viewpoint, proving a point, or gaining a perceived upper hand. Yet, the unpredictability of human emotions, the intricacies of individual experiences, and the multifaceted nature of relationships mean that victory is not so clear-cut.

Maybe, just maybe, your well-made point isn’t the victory you imagined it to be.

And even for those who perceive themselves as victorious in a personal conflict, the toll can be substantial. The mention of “deaths and casualties” in the quote takes on a metaphorical significance here —the erosion of trust, emotional wounds, and the potential fracturing of relationships.

In the aftermath of personal disputes, individuals may find themselves navigating the aftermath, grappling with the lasting impact on the dynamics of trust, communication, and intimacy.

The collateral damage of interpersonal conflict also extends beyond the apparent winners and losers. The emotional toll on both parties, the residual feelings of resentment or hurt, and the challenges of rebuilding what was once harmonious underline the complexities of victory in personal disputes. The aftermath becomes a shared space where both sides contend with the scars the conflict leaves, questioning the true nature of success in such endeavours.

Furthermore, the quote emphasises that no one is immune to the consequences of interpersonal conflict. The toll is not confined to a single individual; it reverberates through shared spaces, affecting families, friendships, and communities.

Recognising that conflict, regardless of its scale, is a collective experience should compel individuals to approach disagreements with empathy, understanding, and a commitment to fostering healthy resolutions.

In the context of personal relationships, the quote invites introspection on the broader implications of engaging in conflict. It challenges individuals to consider the lasting impact of their words and actions, recognising that the casualties of interpersonal strife extend beyond the immediate battleground.

Pursuing healthier, more constructive forms of conflict resolution becomes imperative, prioritising dialogue, empathy, and compromise over the narrow pursuit of personal victory.

Until next time, may you walk in peace.

Dion Le Roux