Authentic Love

"The key to understanding how someone feels about you is to not only listen to what they say and observe what they do but to also listen to what they do not say and observe what they do not do" - Dion Le Roux

Have you ever felt like someone's words and actions don't match up?

As humans, we communicate in both verbal and non-verbal ways, but the complexity of emotions often makes it hard to interpret what someone truly means.

Paying attention to the unspoken language of emotions is essential. Just think about it; sometimes, the things left unsaid or undone can tell us more about someone's true sentiments than what they say.

Of course, we all express love in different ways, so it is essential to recognise that just because someone doesn't express love in the same way you do, it doesn't mean they don't love you.

But as I write this article with Valentine's Day on the horizon, I know that many young (and perhaps not so young) hearts will fall madly in love. And as magical as that may be, love requires a sober-mindedness that forces us to pay attention to things we are prone to ignore when we are in love.

In his best selling book "The Five Love Languages", Dr. Gary Chapman explores how individuals express and interpret love. According to Dr Chapman, everyone has a primary love language through which they feel most loved and valued.

The five love languages he describes are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

1. Words of Affirmation

This love language involves verbal expressions of love and appreciation. People who resonate with Words of Affirmation feel loved when they hear affirming words, compliments, or expressions of admiration.

For example, telling your partner, "I appreciate all the hard work you do; you're amazing," or leaving a heartfelt note expressing your love.

2. Acts of Service

For individuals with this love language, actions speak louder than words. Acts of Service are about doing things that make your partner's life easier or more enjoyable, for example, cooking a meal for your partner, helping them with chores, taking care of a task they find challenging, and demonstrating your love through actions.

3. Receiving Gifts

This love language involves the thoughtfulness and effort put into selecting and giving gifts. It's not about the monetary value but the sentiment behind the gesture. For example, it is giving your partner a book by their favourite author, a piece of jewellery with personal significance, or a handcrafted item that reflects their interests.

4. Quality Time

Quality Time emphasises undivided attention and spending meaningful moments together. This love language is about creating shared experiences and connections. For example, going for a weekend getaway, having a deep conversation over dinner, or simply spending a quiet evening together without distractions.

5. Physical Touch

Physical Touch involves the power of physical connection. People with this love language feel most loved through physical gestures like hugs, kisses, holding hands, or other forms of physical affection. For example, give your partner a comforting hug when stressed, hold hands during a walk, or express love through gentle touches.

If you understand your partner's Love Language, you can better connect with them emotionally.

For example, if their primary language is Words of Affirmation, expressing love through compliments or heartfelt words will resonate with them. If it's Acts of Service, doing helpful things for them speaks volumes.

Imagine your partner's love language is Quality Time. They might value spending quality moments together more than any other expression of love. So, a date night or uninterrupted time together could mean the world to them.

Conversely, someone with a primary love language of Receiving Gifts might feel most loved when given thoughtful presents. It's not about the material value but the sentiment behind the gift that matters.

Understanding your love language is just as crucial. If you feel most loved through Physical Touch, holding hands or hugs may be more meaningful than any other gesture.

Expecting your partner to use all five Love Languages is unrealistic.

But if most of them are missing or infrequently used, then maybe you haven't found the love you thought you had. 

To enter the exciting realm of love with all the joy and risk that it brings, you must understand these Love Languages and be able to identify your and your partner's Love Languages.

This will lead to a more fulfilling and connected relationship. Simply stated, it's about three key things:

1. Recognising and appreciating the diverse ways people express and interpret love, ultimately strengthening the bond between partners.

2. Applying these love languages in a way that helps you tailor your expressions of love to your partner's preferences, fostering a deeper connection.

It's about speaking their love language, ensuring they feel genuinely valued and understood.

Remember, people often express love how they prefer to receive it. If your partner consistently does acts of service for you, it might be their way of saying, "I love you."

Recognising these patterns can enhance your relationship by creating a more harmonious and fulfilling connection.

Learn to speak your partner's love language and you will gain insight into how they perceive and experience love, fostering a more meaningful and lasting connection.

Until next time, may you be blessed with experiences of authentic love.

Dion Le Roux

Reference: Chapman, G. (1992). *The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.* Northfield Publishing.