Emotional Bank Accounts

"People's hearts are emotional bank accounts. The more deposits made, the more love there will be to share. Sadly, too many people bankrupt others through their unkind and unnecessary withdrawals." - Dion Le Roux

Have you ever thought about the intricate dance we perform in our relationships with others and how we navigate through the ups and downs of life?

It's a delicate balance of give and take.

Your heart serves as an emotional bank account that reflects the score of all these experiences. It does this by holding all the love, trust, and connection you have built up over time (deposits) but also remembers the traumatic experiences and periods of prolonged stress (withdrawals).

Emotional exchanges, like financial transactions, can build or drain your emotional bank account. The state of your emotional bank account, your emotional resilience if you like, reflects the accumulation of the deposits and withdrawals over time.

In this context, deposits take a myriad of forms. A kind word, a thoughtful gesture, or an empathetic ear contribute to the wealth of emotional capital within the heart. These deposits cultivate an environment of trust, warmth, and security, fostering a sense of connection that provides the resilience to weather the inevitable storms of life.

It is important to note that what constitutes a deposit for you may not constitute a deposit for someone else. How deposits are received somewhat depends on the current state of the emotional bank account: resilient or frail?

Consider, for example, a child who is told daily at home by his parents that he is useless. And then, at school, he receives authentic praise from a teacher for how well he did something and how proud she is of him. That will constitute a significant deposit in an undoubtedly frail emotional bank account. A similar deposit into a child's bank account who regularly receives praise at home will not be as substantial.

The more deposits made into your emotional bank account, the richer the reserve of love becomes and the more resilient you are. Children, in particular, must receive abundant emotional deposits to build resilience as they have not yet learned how to process various emotions.

The reciprocal to the above is also true. Withdrawals also matter. Just like with financial accounts, it is possible to make withdrawals.

Betrayal, insensitivity, and indifference are the emotional equivalents of draining our account. And just like with a financial account, if people keep withdrawing from our accounts without making any deposits, we will soon find ourselves bankrupt. They will deplete our emotional reservoirs, and our relationships will suffer.

And just as with deposits, what constitutes a withdrawal for me may not be the same for you. A lot depends on the state of our respective emotional bank accounts.

The astute reader will notice that I shifted from using "you" and "your" to "our" in the previous two paragraphs. It is deliberate. Others can make deposits and withdrawals into our emotional bank accounts. But we are also capable of making deposits and withdrawals.

Furthermore, despite the uncontrollable bumps and potholes that life invariably throws at us, we also have some control over the deposits and withdrawals others make.

Consider who you choose to associate with.

Do you keep hanging out with those who only make withdrawals? Do you, perhaps, through good intentions, surround yourself with people who always seem to need your help but can never give anything back? Do you practice self-care and prioritise yourself in your life?

Carefully reflecting on questions like these may give you some surprising insights about your emotional bank account.

Of course, this is not to say we shouldn't care for others. On the contrary, we should always strive to be helpful and kind as we do not know what someone else is going through. But it even goes further than this.

This idea of emotional bank accounts also extends to our communities, organisations, and societies. Leaders should pay more attention to this.

Every act of kindness, understanding, and compassion is like a collective deposit into the emotional bank account of our community. And every act of discrimination, cruelty, and injustice is like a withdrawal that depletes that account.

So, what can we learn from all this?

In navigating the intricacies of emotional bank accounts, this quote offers a blueprint for cultivating meaningful connections.

We need to be intentional in our interactions with others.

We need to recognise how our actions and words impact the emotional well-being of those around us. We must be empathetic, kind, and mindful to build relationships that will stand the test of time.

It does not mean sugarcoating the truth. It does, however, mean reflecting on our intent when we engage with others. Sometimes withdrawals are inevitable, but ill intent should never motivate them.

Engaging with others demands an awareness of the power dynamics inherent in emotional transactions.

It also means taking accountability for who you choose to engage with. Some relationships like family and colleagues at work are unavoidable.

But how do you handle these? To what extent do you allow withdrawals to happen? If someone regularly makes more withdrawals than deposits, is it perhaps time to limit your interactions with them or even cut them out of your life entirely?

Individuals hold the agency to shape the emotional climate within relationships, influencing whether hearts are enriched or depleted.

It is valid for both the giver and the receiver.

Developing an awareness of the impact of our actions and words on others' emotional bank accounts is essential. It underscores the responsibility that each person carries in fostering positive connections.

In the currency of love, the balance between giving and taking is vital to sustaining resilient, fulfilling, and enduring connections.

So let's make some deposits, shall we? Let's build up our emotional bank accounts and those of others and watch our relationships flourish.

Simultaneously, let us guard against unkind and unnecessary withdrawals and be thoughtful and considerate in our interactions.

Until next time, may your emotional bank account be healthy.

Dion le Roux